My frustrating search

My history with this search kinda goes like this: I met Alison, she was totally not the kind of preachy Christian that I've encountered, she was very sweet and genuine about it. And it made me want to know more. So I started going to church with her and asking my friends about it, and I discovered that I have a lot of friends who are Christians, and they're all pretty level-headed about it. I didn't run into too many wacky bible thumpers, and it was encouraging. I was actually kinda excited to discover god and find this happiness and peace that so many of my friends seemed to enjoy.

However over the last year and a half, the more I researched the history of the religion and the infallible word of god that is the bible, the more I learned that it is quite different than what I thought. For instance:

I'm learning about all the polytheism that actually exists in the bible and the early Israelites, even with the founding fathers of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. How their god was quite possibly the god El, the same god worshipped by the Caananites. And he had a wife called Asherah, and a son named Ba'al. And that god is actually the head of a council of gods, on which he regularly executed judgement, just like he did on people and nations in the bible.

I'm learning how the bible was written, and re-written and edited over the centuries, and how books in the bible were inserted or removed to reconcile the whole text with whatever the current beliefs happened to be. And it seems that the "infallible" word of god is actually a constant editing process that was at the whim of whatever king or bishop happened to strong-arm his point of view at the time.

The more I studied archeology and DNA evidence and such for the history of humankind and the history of life on earth, and the history of the earth and the universe, I discovered that it is very contradictory to what the bible says. Or a lot of what I'm finding out to be proven fact, the bible is either very vague and cryptic, or completely silent.

And now presented with all this new data that people didn't know 2000 years ago (or sometimes even decades ago), it seems more and more christians must practice a constant double-think: the bible is infallible, 100% accurate and all inspired by god; yet some of it is allegorical, but it's a personal decision which parts are literal or allegorical, and that changes depending on what argument is being presented, but all times god is 100% accurate. And the more science discovers things to be different than what the bible says, the more allegorical the bible must become, yet it's still 100% accurate and inspired by god.

And I am generally finding it uninspiring and fallacied when Christian apologetics ignores or re-shapes a lot of this data to fit into their one unchangeable answer: god. It's like they already have the answer, so whatever new data is discovered must be reconciled to fit their answer that can never be wrong, rather than letting the data and evidence determine what the answer could be. I'm not saying there's any 100% empirical evidence to prove god's non-existence or anything like that (in fact I admit there are plenty of things science hasn't proven – yet), but it seems to make Christians squirm to even consider that their infinite solid rock of a god may be a little different than they've always thought, so it gets shut out completely. And that thinking emotionally biases every bit of research they do.

All this stuff kinda makes the religion lose its validity to me. Or at least waters it down considerably. I didn't intend to discover all these things or feel this way at all – quite the contrary. At the beginning I was really looking forward to finding god and allowing myself to be swept up in the emotional experience of being loved by a god and a savior and all that bit. But I just can't do it yet, not with all this contradicting stuff I'm finding. I can't sing the songs and pray the prayers. And I admit I'm kinda disappointed. People keep telling me to just "ask god and see what he says." Well, I am, and these are the answers I keep getting.

So that's where I am.

Religious survey, with emphasis on Christianity

This blog has always been about me putting out my opinions, ideas, and conclusions for the world to see, which always result in discussions of all kinds. For the first time, the entire goal of this post is to hear from you, without first having to read any of my incessant babbling.

Here's a fun and short survey I put together to get a general sense of people's religious background (or at least the people who happen to stumble across my blog anyway). It's totally anonymous. Just one page, with some info on you and your faith, or lack there of.

I will post the results here so we can all compare stats. Should be fun. Please feel free to pass this survey along to anyone who might be interested.

Take the survey now

Thanks for your sharing your input and thoughts in my search for the divine.

Follow-up to the Purple Unicorn post

Based on some of the reactions I got from my post on Sunday, I feel I need to follow it up with a little back story.

It happens very (VERY) often in my search for the divine that I am presented with the warm fuzzies about god. Every time I've been to church, songs are sung praising the beauty and amazingness and holiness of god, and all these celebratory images of glory. And stories are told by individuals about how the power of god's love changed their lives and brought them out of the darkness. And claims over and over are spoken about how all you need in life is faith, that god loves you, and you should just let go - and let god. On a pure emotional level, it is very easy to get swept up in these inspiring sentiments of comfort, coddling, protection, and justice. However, when trying discern one religion from another, this tone of praise is pretty constant across many faiths, and you could very easily substitute Allah, Vishnu, or Akua in any of those statements, and you would be comfortably in the shoes of a different faith. And if you lived 3,000 years ago, you could insert El or Zeus in these statements of reverence and be just as at-home there too.

My post was a literal collection of phrases, worship song lyrics, and scriptures that I've heard over my lifetime acclaiming people's love for god. I made none of it up myself, just strung it together into a couple paragraphs. And to create a satire showing this general euphoric tone that spans many faiths, I used the Purple Unicorn as my target of adoration. And hey, maybe there is someone out there who genuinely worships Purple Unicorn, and maybe they will find my passage inspiring.

Please note that it is never EVER my intention to offend anyone with my opinions, ideas, or conclusions. I do acknowledge however that the subject of religion is incredibly touchy, and any opinions regarding it (especially those that may reveal a disagreement or discrepancy) will inevitably offend someone. That's a risk that I am forced to take as I document my journey into the unknown. But it is never my direct intention to offend or deride or blaspheme. If you wanna make an omelette, yadda yadda. I am genuinely and earnestly researching as much as I can, then just relaying my conclusions based on the evidence I find. Or I'm just documenting my perspective of situations I've encountered. And sometimes I do insert some humor into the equation, and those of you who know me shouldn't find this a surprise at all. If we can't laugh at ourselves and the world around us, then why bother? Nothing I write here is ever to be taken as my declaration of the truth, but just me calling 'em as I see 'em.

I am very grateful for those of you who read the thoughts and opinions that I write here, contribute to the discussions that result (however constructive or incendiary they may be), or email me your private thoughts, or engross me with long chats in person. I consider many of you dear friends, and all your contributions are really helping me sort all this crazy shit out.

So I say a hearty "thank you" for reading, and "I apologize" if I've offended you, and "you're welcome" if I've inspired you, and "Hey I'm just trying to figure things out here" if I've challenged your beliefs, and "don't mention it" if I've made your faith stronger. And get ready because there's a good chance you may be any of the above in any future post I write here.